Movie-A-Day:Crank (2006)

The movie that makes meth sound like a great idea

Cast: Jason Statham as Chev Chelios, Amy Smart as Eve Lydon, Efren Ramirez as Kaylo

Premise: A hitman’s day is mildly ruined when he’s dosed with a poison that will kill him unless he keeps his adrenaline pumping.

Do modern audiences need action films? Obviously we don’t need film in general, but films that endeavor to engage audiences in cathartic action have a big opponent: video games. Why watch a war movie or a heist film when you can play Call of Duty or Payday? It seems like some films have responded by making themselves more like video games; purposely making plots merely a framing device for visceral action (Shoot Em Up, Zombieland). One of the best examples of this is Crank.

The film begins with a POV shot of our hero waking to a TV telling him he’s just been poisoned. We know from the start that the film isn’t going to waste time getting started. The premise allows the film to start strong with it’s action; after waking up Chev immediately picks a fight with some bikers, drives his car through a shopping mall, and hunts down a member of his poisoner’s crew. While modern films overuse frenetic cutting and shaky cam, this is an example of it being used appropriately. The film looks as erratic as it’s hero needs to be (notably, shaky cam is only used in scenes viewed from Chev’s perspective). It helps that Statham’s performance is a lot more “Bruce Willis” than “Jet Li”; this film’s action is haphazard rather than refined with our hero using any weapon, car, or clothing that happens to be nearby.

As many have noted, this film’s tone seems to draw from the Grand Theft Auto series. Chev’s scenario leads him to commit several arbitrary crimes in order to stay alive, leading to scenes as ridiculous as robbing a hospital for its epinephrine. The story is similar to GTA3, with a mysterious protagonist surving attempted murder and seeking revenge, with a backstory revealed much later. It also has the irreverence of the series; there’s no consequences for crashing a motorcycle and flying several feet or killing multiple people in front of your girlfriend.

The film’s irreverence is its greatest strength and weakness. Its attempts at “macho” humor means that everyone besides the protagonist is a broad stereotype.

The women in this film have it the worst; they’re pretty much props. One scene has a bad guy getting a blowjob during a call about his brother’s death. This has no bearing on the scene. At the cartel boss’ pad, there are random women sitting in globes (?!) around the pool (one of whom gets shot for no reason). But that’s ok because they’re bad guys right? Well that would work if the film didn’t portray Eve -its female lead- as either an obstacle (Chev has to constantly lie to her about his situation) or as a boost to his health meter (he has sex with her twice for the sole purpose of keeping  his adrenaline up).

In addition to the misogyny, you also get some queer-phobic subtext. In the first half of the film, Chev has a sidekick who – for no apparent reason – is established as a transvestite. This would actually be good for the film’s diversity, if the film didn’t treat him like utter shite. Despite putting himself at risk in order to save Chev’s life, Chev not only disrespects him (shoving him around, mocking his squeamishness), but doesn’t even seem to care when he’s killed (sorry for the spoiler) just to draw him out. AND THEN HE USES HIS CORPSE AS A HUMAN SHIELD. While some would claim that this isn’t explicit queerphobia, this also a film where the protagonist consistently calls his nemesis a “fag” and belittles his masculinity. Just sayin’. Personally, I don’t think that being audacious gives a work the right to be this culturally offensive. I’m not saying that queer or women jokes can’t be funny, it just has to be a little more well thought than “women getting fucked is funny” or “transvestites are funny”.

Despite two strong first acts, the third act is pretty standard. This is when things get “serious” and Chev has to think about Eve and his future and blah blah blah. Statham is great as Chev – being able to channel that John McClane-esque everyman badass –  but the character isn’t exactly a hitman with a heart. We just wanted to see him do crazy shit around Cali; nobody really cares if he lives at the end. It doesn’t help that he wasn’t the nicest guy throughout the film (using  his friend as a shield and all…).

Overall: This is a fun but woefully-insensitive action film. If you’re the type that can look past the “dudebro” sensibilities, you’ll have a great time.

My rating: Two syringes; this film’s favorite medical tool (seriously they show up a lot)

Stray Thoughts

• Efren Ramirez also played Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite. Which sort of sounds like his character Kaylo. COINCIDENCE? Probably.

• Throughout the film, the bad guy carries a syringe of the “Chinese Shit” poison he gave Chev. I imagine an alternate ending was him accidentally sitting on it.

Movie-A-Day: Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil (2010)

That movie where the hillbillies aren’t the bad guys

Cast: Tyler Labine (Reaper) as Dale, Alan Tudyk (Firefly, Dodgeball) as Tucker, Katrina Bowden (30 Rock) as Allison

Premise: Two ditzy Appalachians on vacation are hunted by terrified college students when they are mistaken for serial killers

Real World History: The Appalachians represent some of the oldest families of European settlers. They are one of the primary suppliers of lumber and coal. They basically created a political party (The Whigs!). Dolly Parton is Appalachian, and who doesn’t love her?

Movie History: Appalachians are cannibalistic mutated inbred psychotic monster rapists who are obsessed with making city folk squeal like pigs (source: Deliverance).

Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil tries to buck this unfortunate film trend by making it’s hillbilly heroes well-meaning guys who don’t get that “civilized” people view them as threats. This sets up the majority of jokes in this film: Tucker and Dale do something they think is innocuous like carve a friendly mis-spelt message into a wooden log with an axe  start a conversation while holding a scythe in hand.

In reaction, the college kids overreact and attempt to “defend” themselves against the two…

…which goes well.

These beats are repeated throughout the film, making it fairly telegraphed. The film’s plot, while novel, isn’t exactly groundbreaking in it’s structure. The conflict between the hillbillies and the college kids is intentionally dumb; the hillbillies are too dumb to know that they’re scary and the college kids are too dumb to attempt talking to them. The film also makes no attempt to obfuscate the titular “evil” our heroes have to face. Thankfully, the artistic direction and performances legitimizes the film’s predictable rhythm.

The film’s artistic direction apes heavily from recent “hillbilly horror” films (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday The 13th remakes). The film uses it’s backwood setting to create a visceral tone. Trickles of sunlight through the forest canopy illuminate grit and sweat. Worn-out blades screech and whine. At a glance, this film could be confused with the horror films it mocks. In addition, the film takes those films’ over-the- top violence and makes it even more audacious. A flashback shows an unseen killer using a razor sharp saw blade as a discus to kill several campers (after scratching his neck with it of course). All of the college kids’ attempts to kill Tucker and Dale only lead to their own fantastically gorey deaths. On their end, the film is a Wile E. Coyote short gone wrong. What makes this horror comedy work as opposed to, say, the Scary Movie sequels, is that the film understands the cinematic grammar of the subgenre it’s imitating rather than just referencing popular scenes. Just look at this scene, which plays like a subversion of a scene from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Despite the film’s cartoonish nature, it’s two leads are relatable. For those unfamiliar with the actors, they’re both known for playing comic reliefs in the cult classics Firefly and Reaper. Tudyk played the not-very-badass mercenary pilot Wash and Labine played the hero’s fat casanova friend Sock. Their roles are reversed here:  Labine as Dale is a dorky reader who’s uncomfortable talking  to women and Tudyk as Tucker tries to give him some confidence as the “smoother” of the two. Labine straddles a line between being as creepy as the kids assume he is and being merey an awkward dude. Whether not he’s likable enough to attract the likes of his love interest is debatable, but he’s not the first fat guy to date a girl out of his league. Despite the title, Tudyk’s Tucker character is fairly secondary. Besides buying the vacation home that the film is set in, Tucker’s entire character is support for Dale, the film’s true hero. With that, he’s also more broad in his Appalachian performance: he’s ALARMED that his best friend doesn’t enjoy fishing and thinks that offering a cooler full of Pabst is a great way to defuse a Mexican standoff. Fortunately, neither character is completely reduced to stereotype; the film thankfully avoids some of the obvious jokes about Appalachians (inbreeding, poor hygiene, etc).

Overall, I greatly enjoyed this film. It has two solid comedy leads, a well-defined aesthetic, and at least one hot actress. That’s all I needed.

My rating: Two thumbs up! (This was literally the first image I found and I didn’t even search for the thumbs up part)

Stray Thoughts

• Though the “lock and load montage” is a pretty common trope, I really want to believe that the montage of Dale arming himself is a reference to Evil Dead 2 considering the cabin setting, rhythm and his use of a chainsaw. Unfortunately, Dale is still lacking the shotgun.